Saturday, August 23, 2008

Going for the Gold

Jim and I are children of the 60’s. We sowed our wild oats to some extent and then sort of settled down, each with a spouse and each with a somewhat skewed view of marriage. Neither of those marriages lasted so when we met (at our children’s alternative school) we did not want those trappings again.

For 25 years we have followed Abraham’s advice of “I like you pretty much so let’s see how it goes.” Well, we have decided that we really are OK with each other. Love was never the question, however the piece of paper and ceremony had hang ups for both of us, and we each have plenty of our own as well.   And up until now we have had no overriding reason to get actually married, although we have acted married and considered ourselves as close to married as we could get. When we first started living together NY had a Common Law clause but that has gone by the wayside so we are not considered really married although the significant other clauses will hold.

BUT now we are looking at Social Security and wills (Are we really already at those ages?). Both of those items make it practical to be married in the eyes of the state.

Monday night during dinner Jim said he thought he’d like to wear a wedding band once we were married.   I almost choked.

 "A Ring? You want to wear a wedding band? Why?”  

So after Jim explained his reasons I thought a bit and agreed it sounded like a good idea, at least to explore. Jim used to earn part of his living as a jewelry maker back when he was married the first time. So if Jim had any gold sheet and gold solder he would make them for us but he has only silver and we both wanted gold. Jim has made most of our good pieces.

Up to the mall we went. We were looking, just looking, and playing at what we might want.  Jim knew he wanted a plain gold band. They were kept down one aisle at the end so we played there a while with finding his size and the width that looked best on him. He tried on several styles but always came back to the simplest one.

Meanwhile I walked up and down peering at rings. I looked at some very nice ones with sapphire stones and ruby stones and emeralds. I thought about opals and pearls but Cathy, our sales person, said they are too soft for everyday wear. So are emeralds. Sigh. Then we talked about what style ring would fit my lifestyle. Ya no, one where I have my hands in and out of rubber gloves, soapy water, and rinse water part of every day? A ring that would not get caught on fiber and yarn. Eventually I realized it had to be one that was rather flat. No high profile ring for me. Well that knocked out most of the ones I had noticed. I went back down the aisles and looked at more, walked around more, looked harder and came back to find that Jim was settled and the one he wanted was being sized.    Gulp.

I then allowed myself to start trying on rings with no thought to price. I must say it was fun. And surprising to me was the fact that the ones I liked best had small diamonds around a simple band. I have no diamonds. Diamonds seem like flash to me yet there I was sorting for the plainer diamond rings.  And as you can see we came home with a set of gold.  

Jim is going to speak to his priest, Phil once he gets back from vacation this week. Neither one of us wants anything resembling big.  Small, very low key is our idea of ideal.   We originally thought the beginning of September with our short vacation at the cottage watching the canoes paddle by during the Adirondack Canoe Classic as our honeymoon.

(and those are Kennebec on the left and Lizabet on the right. Most wonderful companions who have returned to Source.)

This worked fine until I started thinking about how to fit in among the dyeing, skeining, reskeining, balling of fiber and other prep for Hemlock and Goddess Knits Mystery Shawl 10 the license, the haircut, a manicure, meetings with Phil, where to plan lunch, who to invite, etc. Then I got short of breath and realized that this little item was larger than I had thought. OK OK so you knew that already. I’m slow on some stuff.

"um Jim, I think we might need to postpone the ceremony." Jim gave me a sideways look. "I am not talking about indefinite postponement, just until we can do this right instead of as an afterthought." We then put our calendars together and have come up with a Saturday morning in late October as THE PLAN.


Jenger said...

Bless your heart!!!! I had two horribly failed marriages with expensive (to me) weddings bands that were given to my mom by the time I was 25. Bear came over for a beer after knowing him for 2 years and we just knew it was right. We ended up gettin our license and have a it officiated by the lady who owned the New Age store that I frequented since se was ordained. My ring is a 15 dollar band with floral on it and Bear' is a 30 dollar band with celtic knotting. The whole ceremony and planning stuff can get so crazy. Good luck. Hugs.

Julie said...


BlackCat said...

Best wishes Susan! That is the way to go...


You wild and impetuous couple, you! What's the hurry?

Keep the ceremony simple and true and


sweetpea16 said...

Congratulations :) Love the bands you both picked!!!

Cheers Eva

Silver said...

Ankes and Hiaiy Ankles are married. She says the marriage is the important thing. The wedding is the smallest step. Are you getting a bunny for the wedding? Weddings are best with bunnies. Lost of bunnies are waiting in shelters for people to get married and need them. I was in a shelter. That stainless steel is hard on your feet.